


Run Me Over With a Reindeer

by UisceOneLove



Series: The Super Store AU No One Asked For [5]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben can bring the sass as much as Klaus can, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Klaus is Anti-Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28295544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UisceOneLove/pseuds/UisceOneLove
Summary: It's Christmas Eve.That's it. That's Klaus' whole issue.
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves
Series: The Super Store AU No One Asked For [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1340551
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	Run Me Over With a Reindeer

**Author's Note:**

> So Klaus's feelings on Christmas are some things that I feel. This isn't a fic to bash Christmas or anything, no worries about that. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it! And happy holidays!

Watching the rush of parents doing their last-minute shopping for gifts their little brats filled Klaus with so much unwavering disgust.

That's no joke. It's disgust. He might leave the new stock at the mercy of these hyenas and go throw up in the bathroom for a good ten minutes. 

As it was, Klaus was stuck having a staredown and counting to "Ten Mariah Careys" in his head so that he doesn't use his scanning gun to beat the irate Honey Boo Boo in front of him. Diego and Luther better be fucking proud.

"What do you mean you're out of the Caron Skinny Cakes in the colorway of Thin Mint?" she shrieked at him. It was  _ so much fun _ working in retail. Why would he want to do anything else with his life? Klaus was sooooo hashtag Blessed.

He exhaled through clenched teeth, his breath coming out like a hiss before he pulled up his smile. "I mean that we had a sale and everyone else who is knitting and crocheting their fingers off for Christmas already swopped them skeins up. What stock we have is on the shelves, ma'am. I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do."

Klaus isn't sorry in the slightest. He even bought a bunch of their yarn shipment when it came in two days ago. Let these bitches rip their hair out in desperation while he throws back some cheddar popcorn.

Honey Boo Boo went so red in the face that she was heading right to purple. Not a good color on her.

"Thank you for shopping at Super Cloud!" Klaus called after her as she stormed out of the store. If only the automatic doors would close on her.

That momentary glimpse of satisfaction was immediately squandered by the disposing of multiple ornament boxes right there on his counter. Followed by a huge ass pile of shiny, sparkly holiday garland.

Someone just kill him now.

* * *

Closing early on Christmas Eve does not make it any better that he was forced to  _ work  _ on Christmas Eve. Klaus glowered at the aisles of holiday decorations that were such travesties he knew he Five and Ben would be stuck re-organizing them on the twenty-sixth. The toys that managed to remain up were in disarray from lazy shoving and kids just placing them in the first open spot they saw when parents refused to buy any of it. 

"Should I expect to make an excuse to Allison about you not coming to her dinner tomorrow?" Ben asked as he sidled up next to his harried brother.

"If I wanted to spend my day surrounded by endless piles of torn wrapping paper and polite but pathetic jabber with a bunch of people I don't care about before gagging over the piles of stuffing that gets shoveled into everyone's mouths then I would move into a senior citizen's home," Klaus responded flatly. 

Ben rolled his eyes. "You can just say no. It's an easy and simple answer."

"But then I wouldn't get to see you express your love for my wordcraft, brother of mine," Klaus replied with a bat of his lashes. 

"You know Allison's going to hunt you down and drag you herself."

"Not if I find a rock to hide under for twenty-four hours."

"Is that rock a certain manager?"

Oh, if only. Klaus would like nothing more than to pass the next couple of days with Diego in bed and making some actual good use of those hideous Christmas ties.

"I love having all of Diego's attention but he's got his own thing with Five, I'm not going to impose on it," Klaus sighed. "Maybe I'll spend the day eating at a Chinese buffet and mocking Starbucks patrons for blowing their money on peppermint mochas that they could just make themselves if they weren't lazy assholes." It's a mocha with peppermint added to it! They could have that any time they wanted instead of waiting for December!

"You're being selfless enough not to ruin Five's Christmas? How uncharacteristically big of you." Ben didn't want Klaus to be miserable this year. Diego was good at helping Klaus avoid that. But they also didn't need to wake up in the morning to find his brother died because of a small teenager who got his hands around Klaus' neck.

Klaus put a hand to his heart and looked at his brother with wide eyes. "Benjamin! I know how to be charitable to the needy." 

"You mean you know how to do that with your clothes on?" Ben returned, his smirk holding no malice but fondness because he loved his asshole of a brother anyway.

"How rude! I don't give this ass to just anyone." Someone was getting an express order of coal tomorrow. Klaus wouldn't mind mass ordering that all over the country. It's the only exception he would be all right with for the holidays.

The lights in the store went off, bringing Diego out only moments later. "All right, cash tills are locked up, lights are off, time to head out while I activate the alarm," the man declared, looking every bit as exhausted as them. 

"About time." Klaus wasn't going to wait around any longer now that they had the green light. He booked it outside, scarf wrapped tight around his neck, and not caring about the burst of cold wind that hit his face as soon as he passed through the doors. 

Ben caught up to him in his own time and Diego was right behind, locking the doors and popping up the collar of his coat.

"Have a good Christmas, Ben," Diego bid in farewell.

"You too, Diego." Klaus was all ready to fall in line with his jerk of a brother to go back to the apartment. 

"Klaus." 

He stopped and looked back at his handsome boyfriend. "Yeah, D?"

Diego jerked his head in the opposite direction. "Come stay the night?"

Klaus blinked at him. "What?"

"You probably got plans for tomorrow, so come have dinner with me and Five."

Klaus stared. Was Diego serious? It's Christmas Eve and he wants Klaus to join him and Five? 

Ben lodged his elbow into Klaus's side as a rougher than necessary nudge.

"I--Uh--You know that Five's gonna have a big problem with that, right?" Klaus finally got out. 

"Five has a problem with a lot of things," Diego returned wryly, "the kid will get over it."

Any other day and Klaus would love to ruin Five's night by coming over. But as much as Klaus deeply loathes this time of year, he didn't want to actively fuck it up for Diego and the kid. Diego was asking for him to come, though. How the hell was Klaus supposed to say no to that?

He doesn't. That's how.

* * *

Klaus was curled up on the couch, huffing, hands curled around a mug of some stupid Christmasy tea blend, while Diego laughed at him.

"You can't be serious," Diego said, "you hate Christmas? I thought that was just some fictional Ebeneezer Scrooge shit." 

"Hey, I'm not cheap!" Klaus said defensively. "I'm allowed to despise the holiday and more people should follow my lead." 

Diego sat back with a grin on his face. "Oh, I've got to hear this one."

"I shouldn't have to explain myself. Christmas in July should be enough of a point."

"I'll give you that one, sure. It's not my favorite thing in the world to unload a ton of Christmas merchandise in the summer."

"July is for suntanning, not groping jolly St. Nick's face."

Diego shuddered. "Always the pleasant imagery with you."

Klaus was feeling like Five holing up in his room as "protest" was better than him being out here to share in Diego's insulting merriment. "I'm a storyteller, D, creative words are a must."

"Not liking Christmas in July is one thing, Klaus, but not _actual_ _Christmas_ ," Diego shook his head. "I'm going to need more than that."

"Fine." Klaus set his mug aside, giving up any pretense of trying to drink it and crossed his arms. "Christmas is a holiday that lives and breathes on corporations shoving it down our throats in an unconsenting manner."

Diego rubbed at his brow, his amusement was still evident. "You're comparing it to a forced blowjob?"

"I'm sorry, do you enjoy having someone's dick in your mouth when you don't want it? No? Didn't think so. I didn't ask for Santa to be slapped on soda cans or Michael Buble's  _ Holly Jolly Christmas  _ to serenade me when it's not even Halloween yet. We get three months of advertising for snow and trees and  _ family companionship _ . There are two holidays before it, Diego, even if one glorifies the colonization and murder of Indigenous People."

"Well--"

"And then when it  _ is _ December, people turn into inconsiderate pieces of shit and empty shelves like the world is coming to an end. There's no one pretending to be decent, they treat everyone else like Christian Bale treats lighting technicians and it's all beyond fake."

"Klaus--"

"Then there's Santa as a whole. Who the fuck in their right minds would be okay with some fat guy breaking into their house and leave a snack for them? Or put their kid on his lap to tell him they're a "good boy or girl"? It's creepy, Diego. As creepy as that date-rape song everyone thinks is so cute. Don't even get me started on Christmas movies--"

" _ Klaus _ ." Diego leaned forward and sealed the brunet's mouth shut with a kiss. It was rude, but it was a good kiss so it can be forgiven. For now. 

"I get it," he said after a moment when he was sure Klaus wouldn't pick up where he left off, "you've got some points. For some of us, that's not the shit that makes it a holiday worth looking forward to."

"Then what is it that makes you look forward to it so much?" Klaus asked.

Diego smiled at him. "Christmas was when my family would be able to get together. Everyone would save up over the year so they could make the trip. We'd just hang out all day, eat my abuela's delicious cooking, and get to be happy together. Put the problems outside the door for a couple of days."

"Must be nice having a loving family," Klaus responded. "Can't relate, but good for you."

Klaus wasn't being sarcastic about it. He didn't see it as everyone deserving a shitty life because he and his siblings had bad parents. Diego was a great guy who went through some hard things and deserved having something he can take that much joy in. 

"Christmas can be crazy, people can be awful, and movies can be over the top with the romance department," Diego continued. "Everyone can find something that they can enjoy about it, though. I bet I can give you a reason to like Christmas. Just for a night." 

"If it's some kind of new sex kink you want to try out, I'm all for it," Klaus responded, "but it's not the holiday I'm going to like about it, Diego."

"Are you sure sex isn't one of your addictions?"

"If it is, I'm not giving it up."

Diego just shook his head and got up, leaving Klaus on his own while he went over to the small tree that took up a corner of the room. Klaus was able to enjoy the view when Diego crouched down and looked through the small bundle of presents beneath it. He can say this part wasn't something he was minding. 

When he came back, a small wrapped up box was set in Klaus' lap.

"Go ahead and open it," Diego told him.

"Isn't the point to wait until tomorrow?" Klaus asked, eyeing the present and looking it over in his hands.

"An exception can be made."

"Is it a new toy? You know I was eyeing that cock r--"

Diego pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please open it before I start regretting my very existence."

Klaus shrugged and picked off the ribbon first, letting it flitter onto the end table, then tore the wrapping paper since he didn't see a point in being gentle. It was just a little white box when it was freed. Klaus shook it, watching Diego grow more exasperated as something thumped against the inside.

"Hope it's not breakable," Klaus said cheekily.

He popped off the lid of the box and looked inside, seeing in the middle of a thin sheet of wrapping paper was--

"Diego."

"Yes, Klaus?"

"It's a key."

"Still observant."

"This isn't some sappy "key to my heart" moment, is it?"

"Don't make me sound like Luther."

Klaus took the nickel-brass piece of metal out of the box and stared at it, sitting there in the palm of his hand.

"It's a key to the apartment, Klaus," Diego told him.

Klaus was having a hard time believing it. "But why?"

"Why do you think?" he scoffed. "So you can let yourself in. It's not me asking to have you move in yet, but I do want to make it clear that I want you here. Five's never going to admit it but I know a part of him wants you here, too."

"Does he know you're giving this to me?

"Why do you think he's sulking in his room?"

"And you don't think you're going to regret this?"

"Oh no, I'm sure I will from time to time," Diego replied. "But I still want it."

Klaus slowly smiled.

"You know this means I'm going to do some redecorating here, right?"

"Out of the question.

"It's going to happen," Klaus affirmed, climbing into Diego's lap. "Also means there are more things we're going to try out."

"Are you saying I'm right and you do like Christmas a little bit?

Klaus wasn't going to answer that. He shoved his tongue into Diego's mouth and gave the man a good show of how much he liked the  _ gift _ .

Yeah. Maybe he'll say there's a little something to Christmas this once.


End file.
